Self care

“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” — Audre Lorde

Self-care is a broad term that mean just about anything you to do be good to yourself. In a nutshell, it’s about being as kind to yourself as you would be to others. It’s partly about knowing when your resources are running low, and stepping back to replenish them rather than letting them all drain away.

Why self care is it important for foster carers

Caring for a child who has suffered significant trauma, and loss, in their young life can be a very difficult and exhausting task at times.

As a foster carer it is important that you make time for yourself. By understanding the importance of self-care you will be better equipped to maintain positive relationships with others. Most importantly you will be able to maintain your ability to be emotionally available for the child/children you care for. This is very important as children may seem intent on pushing you away and you will need resilience to keep showing them that you have 'stick-ability'.

Questions to consider regarding your own self-care:

Are you are able to notice when you are becoming stressed and how this impacts on your body and behaviours?

It may be useful to ask yourself:

  • What am I thinking?
  • What am I feeling?
  • What is happening in my body?

Tips

  • Make time for yourself: It may feel difficult at times but making time for hobbies and interests, spending time with friends and your partner is important. If you do not want to go out socialising, spend time reading a book, or taking a bath, watching TV without being interrupted by your child. Maybe learn a relaxing exercise as this can be helpful at times of increased stress.
  • Use support: Do not be afraid to ask for help and maybe try and recruit your very own support network. This should include some people who have similar experiences to you. Support can also come from family and friends, professionals and other foster carers, support groups, etc. It is also good to know who you can rely on for practical and emotional support.
  • Make time for reflection: All carers need time for reflection. This can allow you to think about your child’s behaviour, to understand it and to reflect upon your response to it. This process can help you to recognise your own feelings and how this impacts on how you act as a foster carer.

Keep in mind:

  • Remind yourself you are not responsible for the child’s past trauma and behaviours, but you can help them understand that neither are they.
  • Maintain a sense of humour; it helps to maintain your perspective and protects your self-esteem.
  • Maintain a central supportive relationship with another adult.
  • Maintain a support network with other parents with similar children, a lifeline for your sanity.
  • Maintain trust and openness with professionals who understand children with attachment difficulties.

Remember that children will remember the unique relationship they have with you for the rest of their lives.

Breathing exercise (for general relaxation)

  1. Choose a time when you are alone and undisturbed.
  2. Relax in a chair, and get yourself comfortable, with arms and legs uncrossed.
  3. Take a breath in through your mouth for the count of two.
  4. At the same time, place one hand on your stomach. Notice that your chest moves a little but your stomach should expand as well.
  5. Breathe out gently through your mouth for a count of three. As you breathe out focus on a word (e.g. calm, relax).
  6. Notice all the muscles in your body relaxing and becoming warm and soft.
  7. Practise this breathing for a few minutes each day.